If you tickle us, do we not laugh?

at 10:12 AM

Yes, I have had 8 or 9 boyfriends in the past. Yes, none of those "relationships" lasted longer than a few months. Yes, I did go through a period of my life when I tried to find love in a lot of different guys. Yes, I know that was stupid. Yes, I sowed my wild oats and I've reaped a lot of pain and insecurity. Yes, I have a horrible reputation in every way you could possibly imagine. Yes, I'm annoying. Yes, I used to cause drama constantly. Yes, I'm outspoken. Yes, sometimes I say things and don't think about other people's feelings. Yes, my natural tendency is to be controlling in almost every situation. And yes, I do like having things my way, but everyone does. I just verbalize it more than most. Yes, I know that if you have been my friend for a long time that you are a merciful person, because I probably don't deserve it.

I've changed. I know what's important now and my priorities have shifted. I know what God wants me to do with my life and who God wants me to grow old with in this life. A little over a year ago, I was boy crazy, partying, filling my lungs with smoke, trying to be a typical college student. I had no idea what I wanted to do or how I was going to do it. I was failing 3 classes and honestly just screwing up my life. I was completely aimless. Then in the spring, I started seeking God and not boys or friends or parties. God blessed that in so many ways. He gave me Caleb, a guy that really couldn't stand me when he first met me, and allowed me to fall in love with him. He showed me that He wants me to be a nurse. He gave me passing grades and even A's in a few of my classes. He changed my school this fall. He changed everything. He gave me a path and I'm following it hard. I'm not aimless anymore.

I say this in hopes that you can get to know who I really am now
and not just who I used to be then.

Expressing your opinion or not.
It hurt.

1 Comment:

  1. Joseph said...
    4/28/09, 10:26 PM  
    I can honestly say that I have seen a change in the past year. You remind me a lot of a girl that was in my last student group. Her path through college has been rocky at best. She did not seek what you have sought in the past year. All of the advice that Kara and I have given you over the past 4 years has mostly been from personal experience or close observation of people just like you. You don't normally take advice well (even when you have asked for it) because you are stubborn as a mule. But I am proud of the path you are on. Remember us when you are making the big bucks as a nurse and throw some money our way. I am available to baby sit Caleb any time. $20 per hour. No diapers.

Post a Comment



Newer Post Older Post Home

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)