Happy Girl

I've been plagued my whole life with a mouth that doesn't know when to quit. I say too much very often and it's usually at the expense of ticking someone off. Most of my closer friends and family are used to it and overlook it, but then there are those people that aren't so used to it. My mouth doesn't discriminate between the two.

I also find it very hard to let people dislike me. I want to be cool with everyone, so when I tick someone off, I usually try to reconcile the situation. I understand not everyone is going to like me, but I do try to apologize as soon as I get my senses about me and I truly mean it. If the person refuses to forgive me, I usually take it personally and I feel like I have to try harder to make it better. This rarely works.

I've found myself in this situation today. By my past actions, words and attitudes, I've given someone a terrible view of who I am and there seems to be nothing I can do to change it. My heart hurts when I think about it because I realize that it's no one's fault but my own. I didn't handle things right in the past and I caused someone to hate me. That's not a good feeling.

And when I apologize, of course, it doesn't mean anything because in their eyes I'm a selfish, liar, hypocrite, etc. I've tried to talk it out. I've tried to be understanding. I've tried everything. I've handled it the way I think God would want me to handle it. The other person still refuses to forgive me, hates me and holds a grudge against me.

It's not in my hands anymore. My heart is right with God in this situation. I can't control what the other person does or thinks. I've done all I can do to try to live in peace with them and it's between them and God now. I can't change someone's heart, only God can. I'm not going to try anymore. I'm considering myself out of the situation. I can't worry myself about it until they forgive me, because that may never happen. God is bigger than this and only He can fix it.

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
Romans 12:18